I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
