He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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