just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
high people should be assigned attendants
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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