It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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