oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
