holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
