ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
