I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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