i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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