yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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