Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
