TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
