I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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