it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
