he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
