he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is Oprah even human
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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