i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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