i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
