he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
