what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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