he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
