Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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