i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
