so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
