Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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