so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my being single is dangerous.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
