You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
