Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize