So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
