on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
