Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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