You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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