just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
