Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
