kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
don't judge my taste in strippers
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
