I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
