i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
