Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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