I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
