I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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