just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
