i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
