shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize