he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
