i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
