You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
