Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
