she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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