shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
