Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
