so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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