That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think i just lost a toe
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
