Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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