Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
