She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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