The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize