But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Pants are for mortals
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
