OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
