Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
did i just pee glitter
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize