im drinking this country out of the recession.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize