Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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