I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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