I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize