Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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